I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
