I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
