This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
