If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You smell like stripper and shame
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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