i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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