Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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