Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
