you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
