So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
foreskin is a definite game changer
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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