Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
