This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
