i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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