I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
bring money and cleavage
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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