i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
