Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
