sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
