I'm so fucking centered right now
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
