and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
