The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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