We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
