We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
