i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
