My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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