i may or may not be watching the land before time
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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