Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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