If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Did I show you my penis last night?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
