Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize