Porn is love you can see.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
