My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
