and you said cock pushups were impossible
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The power of my boobs compel you
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
