the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Randomize
