Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
In America we eat man semen.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
