My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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