he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize