just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
