Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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