Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize