So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
