i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
