So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
