Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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