Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
