i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
