When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
