She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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