thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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