another moral hangover. fuck.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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