thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my shit smells like andre
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
