you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
