I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
