the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
