We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize