What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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