All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize