C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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