Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
