She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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