my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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