yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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