i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
