Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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