I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
