capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
