kristin has been a bad kristin
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
