she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
