I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
