New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
